Cooking dinner for Jack

[callmemajor]

It's a lovely evening, and Lorne is tempted to stop by the lake for a quick dip on the way, but he's carrying raw meat with him, which makes it seem like a bad idea. The walk itself is nearly as nice anyway, and Lorne smiles as the cabin comes into view.

It feels like coming home on leave, which he supposes it sort of is, except that he didn't have to apply for it, and it won't come out of his bank.

"You know what we should get, babe? A grill," he says as they come up the stairs to the porch.

Comments

[callmemajor]

"Then I'd worry a hell of a lot more than I already do," Lorne answers, grinning back and rubbing a few of the spices into the steak.

[firstcptjack.livejournal.com]

"You don't need to worry at all," Jack says and gives him a quick kiss.

[callmemajor]

"I still do," Lorne says, patting his cheek.

[firstcptjack.livejournal.com]

Jack shakes his head and rolls his eyes, and goes back to the sink to start slicing the potatoes into fries.

[callmemajor]

"I'm allowed to worry," Lorne protests, setting the steaks in the pan where they sizzle merrily.

[firstcptjack.livejournal.com]

"Evan," Jack says, "nothing is going to happen to me here, and like I said, I keep busy."

[callmemajor]

"I know that, just...well, sometimes you sound like you're not really happy here."

[firstcptjack.livejournal.com]

Jack shrugs, slicing.

"I'm as happy as someone can be in my circumstances."

[callmemajor]

Lorne frowns. "That's not entirely reassuring."

[firstcptjack.livejournal.com]

Jack sighs and puts down the paring knife. "Babe. Listen. I'm never going to grow old. I know this, and sometimes it sounds great, and sometimes it feels like a curse. I try not to think about it, which is why I build things and read and watch films down at the bar. There's so much to catch up on.

"It's the best I can hope for. And it beats an afterlife of . . . nothing."

[callmemajor]

Lorne just looks at him for a moment, brows furrowed.

"Okay," he says quietly, and turns back to the steaks.

[firstcptjack.livejournal.com]

Jack resumes slicing.

"And now you're mad at me," he says quietly.

[callmemajor]

"I'm not mad at you," Lorne says. "But I..." He flips the steaks.

"I love you and I want you to be happy, and it...hurts that you're not, but there's nothing I can do about it and that...that bothers me."

[firstcptjack.livejournal.com]

"I don't expect you to fix everything," Jack says. "I mean, it's death that we're talking about here.

"But I have a good man who loves me and a beautiful place to live, and plenty to do. Most of the time I do pretty well."

[callmemajor]

"And the rest of the time?"

[firstcptjack.livejournal.com]

"The rest of the time," says Jack with a sigh, "is a long dark midnight of the soul that I'd rather not dwell on.

"I'm getting a beer. Do you want a beer?"

[callmemajor]

Lorne sighs as well. "Yeah, okay. I'll have a beer."

[firstcptjack.livejournal.com]

Jack gets two bottles from their ice box, twists them open and hands one to Lorne.

"I love you," he says quietly. "I'm never unhappy when you're here."

[callmemajor]

"I know," Lorne whispers, offering Jack a weak smile. "But I can't be here all the time."

[firstcptjack.livejournal.com]

Jack caresses Lorne's cheek. "It's okay, sweetheart. I'm okay. I really am.

"And we've got to stop having this conversation," he says, going back to the potatoes. "It's not going to lead us anywhere new."

[callmemajor]

"Yeah, I know," Lorne says. "It just keeps coming up."

He pulls the tomatoes out of the bag and washes them in the sink.

[firstcptjack.livejournal.com]

Jack drops the sliced potatoes into a bowl of water and starts hunting for a kettle.

"Just stop worrying about me."

[callmemajor]

"It's not that easy, babe," Lorne says, finding a pan for the tomatoes.

[firstcptjack.livejournal.com]

"You could practice. Stop worrying about me for five minutes every day, then six, then seven . . ."

[callmemajor]

Lorne smiles softly. "I could try that. I think I could manage five minutes a day."